Warning: pointless random jumble of thoughts ahead
So it's official, I'll be leaving southern Maryland soon. I've had my airfare booked a long time ago, and gotten my visa to Australia. But the point of no return was when I handed my supervisor my resignation letter on Monday. My last day at work should be February 3rd. I gave them six weeks of notice, so we have plenty of time to get someone to replace me in the projects I'm involved with.
Right now I have a 3-month tourist visa to Australia, a round-trip ticket departing on March 1st and returning on May 31st. Other than that, everything else is pretty uncertain. I don't have a job lined up, I don't know where I will go after Australia, and worst of all, I don't have a lot of money saved up. By my estimate, I can survive on my savings for 6 months on a very low budget. Half of this time I'll be in Australia, so I only have about 3 to 4 months to move and find a job. After that I'll have to go stand at a freeway exit and hold a piece of cardboard in front of me.
Am I just crazy for quitting my job without any plan for the future? I know this is what my heart wants to do, but at the same time there's this little voice of "reasoning" in my head. To give up a well-paid job with good benefits, just for a hobby I'm at best average at, to a lot of people that's pretty dumb. For sure I am quitting my job just to climb more. I'm not going to try and be a guide or anything, but I do plan to move to a place with closer rocks and better weather for climbing.
People like stability. A routine. Going to work everyday, coming home to a familiar house, surrounding themselves with people they known. But some people also get bored with routine. They want adventures, try out new things, and visit new places. A change in a person's life brings excitement and also anxiety. I think that's what I have, anxiety. It's not knowing what the future holds for me. It's an exciting feeling, but also a scary feeling.
But this is what I want. I know I just can't settle into a normal 9-to-5 life, not yet anyway. I feel trapped, my mind is always elsewhere when I'm at work. I've always admired people who took the risk and didn't settle into the normal routine. Traveling around the world, working, studying abroad. I always wished I can do that as well. In a sense I did just that when I moved to the states. Maybe that's why I can't settle back into a "normal" life. What's "normal" is all relative anyway. But I'm not wishing anymore, wishing doesn't get you anywhere. I'm going to do it. It's scary, not knowing what's going to happen, but it's also a liberating feeling at the same time. It feels like the first time Ness and Mikl dragged me onto the intermediate skiing trail. Standing there looking down what seemed like an awfully steep slope, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I'll probably fall down a lot along the way, but at the end, I think I'll enjoy the ride.
Right now I have a 3-month tourist visa to Australia, a round-trip ticket departing on March 1st and returning on May 31st. Other than that, everything else is pretty uncertain. I don't have a job lined up, I don't know where I will go after Australia, and worst of all, I don't have a lot of money saved up. By my estimate, I can survive on my savings for 6 months on a very low budget. Half of this time I'll be in Australia, so I only have about 3 to 4 months to move and find a job. After that I'll have to go stand at a freeway exit and hold a piece of cardboard in front of me.
Am I just crazy for quitting my job without any plan for the future? I know this is what my heart wants to do, but at the same time there's this little voice of "reasoning" in my head. To give up a well-paid job with good benefits, just for a hobby I'm at best average at, to a lot of people that's pretty dumb. For sure I am quitting my job just to climb more. I'm not going to try and be a guide or anything, but I do plan to move to a place with closer rocks and better weather for climbing.
People like stability. A routine. Going to work everyday, coming home to a familiar house, surrounding themselves with people they known. But some people also get bored with routine. They want adventures, try out new things, and visit new places. A change in a person's life brings excitement and also anxiety. I think that's what I have, anxiety. It's not knowing what the future holds for me. It's an exciting feeling, but also a scary feeling.
But this is what I want. I know I just can't settle into a normal 9-to-5 life, not yet anyway. I feel trapped, my mind is always elsewhere when I'm at work. I've always admired people who took the risk and didn't settle into the normal routine. Traveling around the world, working, studying abroad. I always wished I can do that as well. In a sense I did just that when I moved to the states. Maybe that's why I can't settle back into a "normal" life. What's "normal" is all relative anyway. But I'm not wishing anymore, wishing doesn't get you anywhere. I'm going to do it. It's scary, not knowing what's going to happen, but it's also a liberating feeling at the same time. It feels like the first time Ness and Mikl dragged me onto the intermediate skiing trail. Standing there looking down what seemed like an awfully steep slope, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I'll probably fall down a lot along the way, but at the end, I think I'll enjoy the ride.
posted by Boer @ 12/22/2005
1 Comments:
At 6:40 PM,
Ty and Gayle said…
Hey Boer!
I'm proud of you!! It sounds like it is going to be an amazing opportunity. Besides, the world always needs a good engineer. I'm sure you'll be able to make ends meet. "Work to live, don't live to work."
You might like working at a place like where I'm at right now: http://www.colorado.edu/mrs/
Not that I have any idea if they have job openings here, but it might give you an idea of the types of places you could work that would combine engineering and mountains. :)
Wishing you the very best!
~ Gayle
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